It’s like the feeling of breathing in air but not having it transport oxygen through your veins across your body like it should. Instead the air you fight to breathe in stays stationed in your lungs, slightly suffocating, putting pressure on your heart. So much so, that it hurts like someone is clutching it tightly and refusing to release.
It’s your back stiff and tense in pain. The inability to relax to the point where when you straighten your slouch, your vertebrae pull back to each other in an invisible rubber band resistance such as the fashion magnets have. Stretching to try and loosen your frozen statue state, and having your spine crackle like breaking a glow stick.
The sadness that seeps in makes it comparable to the pain you suffer when grieving or mourning a terrible loss. Yet, the only thing that is lost was the previous day. When the only thing that has changed in your life is the date on the calendar, the time on the clock.
It’s the type of exhaustion that falls over you suddenly like a wave. Derived from some small faraway unseen shift in plates, traveling unaccounted for until right at the end of the edge. The slow build before the crash onto the shore. Wet and unable to become dry from the aftermath. A paralyzing exhaustion conjured up from a moment in passing. A moment of absolute insignificance. Exhaustion created from nothing more than void of rationality to where sitting completely still is even too much work and effort, yet inescapable.
Entrapped in a dream-like state. Knowing where you are, filled with anxiousness, but having no intention of waking up. Blanketed in this familiar feeling that you’ve spent so much time previously dwindling in to which now had let it become the strongest feeling of some sort of sickening comfort you recognize and acknowledge as home.
An unavoidable trance which sleep can surely fix. The only ability to exit this stronghold you unexpectedly stumbled into, is to let time pass. Is to let time heal your broken thoughts so you may awake anew again. So you may awaken ready to venture out knowing it is safe once more. Where the only thing that has changed in your life is the date on the calendar and time on the clock. . . but the storm cleared out and passed as so reassuringly promised.