She has an all or nothing personality.
It was always a marathon she would run,
never just a mile.
Always a rambunctious laugh she would belt,
never just a smile.
Always a river she would endlessly weep,
never just a stream.
Always her heart she would relentlessly pursue,
never just a dream.
I’ve always found myself to be the type of person to either be entirely dedicated to something, or completely detached. There is no half-way or in-between for me. The guilt I get for knowing I could do more when I’m not trying my hardest on something is heavy. I always try to hit the ground running as well.
Sometimes it ends in success but sometimes I end up in this period of an almost like paralyzed state of mind. Where I know I’m not trying my best but don’t have the motivation to do more, but at the same time have so much fear and anxiety over giving up.
I’ve learned to give up on the things that I know I can’t handle. Goals I set knowing how truly unrealistic they were. I’m quite the perfectionist and what that often leads to is not only expecting to do it all but being required to do it all.
So many times in the past where I did beautifully on something but threw it all away because of one small imperfection only my two eyes could point out.
The goal in the end is not to be perfect though. The goal shouldn’t be to kill yourself over everything either. I think the goal should just be to give it your best, no more or no less. Sometimes I twist my perspective into thinking giving my all means driving myself to the point of pulling my hair out because of the frustration I experience from trying too hard. Raising too high of expectations of myself, that nobody else would place, and then being too hard on myself for not reaching them.
There is a middle to everything. What I’m striving to learn is how to reach that middle.
I do wonder if anyone else can relate to this? Please let me know situations you’ve found yourself in below.
If you do find yourselves in these situations or can relate to what I’m trying to say. My message to you would be not to be too hard on yourself. Doing you best comes in all shapes and sizes based on what you as an individual can handle. Don’t compare yourself to others because they are not you. You do not have to be at the same point in the race they are because life isn’t a race, it’s a journey. Love yourself for who you are and the light that you provide to the world by merely sharing a smile. Be kind to others and help each other heal.